Commitment is about doing whatever it takes.—Anonymous

Cut Memey dan Bakso Tikus

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Saya angkat piring makan saya dan berjalan menuju ruang tamu, berharap menemukan sesuatu buat dibaca sambil makan. Tak ada orang di rumah siang itu. Daripada kesepian kan mendingan saya berlama-lama makan sambil baca. Katanya bagus buat pencernaan, sebab dengan demikian makanan jadi dikunyah sampai halus.

Saya tarik satu edisi tabloid mingguan Nova dari tumpukan koran. Entah edisi berapa. Topik utamanya soal artis Cut Memey yang dituduh merebut suami orang menggunakan ilmu pengasih. Aduh, makan siang yang sempurna betul. Nasi putih ikan goreng sambal terasi plus... satu eksemplar tabloid bacaan ibu-ibu rumah tangga.

Biasalah Nova, isinya head-to-head. Dibuka dengan pembelaan diri Memey, disambung dengan pengakuan Jackson juga wawancara dengan istri Jackson. Memey bilang, dia tak mungkin "morotin" (membangkrutkan) Jackson. Kalaupun benar, jumlahnya terlalu kecil buat dia -- Rp 1.5 Miliar dalam empat tahun. Sementara itu, Jackson meminta Memey mengakui telah menggunakan ilmu pengasih. Ini, katanya, akan memulihkan keberadaan Jackson di lingkungan terdekatnya. (Mungkin buat semacam pembelaan diri. "Tuh kan, gimana gua nggak kepincut coba? Orang gua dipelet!")

Apapun, buat saya isunya nggak menarik. Rebut-rebutan suami orang mah sudah sering dengar. Rebutan anak juga. Rebutan yang lain kenapa?

Soal sengketa dan perseteruan yang membawa-bawa pengacara juga cuma memilukan hati saya. Kalau saja bisa meramalkan kondisi sekarang, dimana artis banyak bersimbiosis dengan pengacara, tentu saya sudah beli formulir IPS dan pilih Hukum UI.

Sebelum saya hendak melipat kembali tabloid ini dan menukarnya dengan Kompas, saya menemukan sesuatu yang menarik: sebuah surat pembaca yang dikirim lewat pesan pendek.
NOV. Tolong sampaikan ke Trans TV. Jangan terus-terusan menayangkan bakso tikus. Kasian tuh tukang bakso yang enggak pakai daging tikus jadi kena getahnya alias tidak laku.
-Wiwin (0812209xxxx), Bandung
***

Jika seorang tukang bakso memutuskan hendak mencampurkan daging apapun ke dalam adonannya, maka biarkanlah. Saya kira itu hak prerogatifnya sebagai koki: menentukan bahan baku. Terserah apakah itu daging tikus, kucing, atau babi. Pernah pada suatu malam di Bogor kami berkeliling mencari makan malam. Di kanan jalan, saya melihat sebuah warung seperti warung sate -- ada pembakaran di sebelahnya. Tapi di sana sepi sekali. Penasaran, kami mendekati warung itu, hendak membaca spanduknya.

Spanduknya warna hijau muda. Tulisannya dua kata saja: SATE BABI.

Saya langsung menyumpah-nyumpah. Mengapa dari sekian banyak kesempatan, saya mesti bertemu tukang jualan sate babi ketika saya sudah membayangkan nikmatnya sepiring sate kambing? Tapi nggak lama kemudian ya sudah. Bagaimanapun, penjual yang jujur seperti itu mesti dihargai. Dia menulis apa adanya tentang barang jualannya. Yang berminat silakan datang, yang nggak mau silakan hengkang.

Jadi, alangkah baiknya jika mulai sekarang pedagang bakso tikus itu terang-terangan saja kepada konsumen bahwa mereka menggunakan "resep rahasia". Siapa tahu dampaknya malah bagus. Orang akan jadi punya pilihan baru bila hendak menyantap bakso. Ada bakso sapi, bakso ikan, bakso tahu, bakso urat, bakso bola tenis, bakso dengan gajih, dan pendatang baru... bakso tikus.

Bukankah sudah terkenal bahwa di Indonesia ini apapun dimakan?

Nanti jika restoran bakso tikus itu sudah ramai didatangi orang (dan buka cabang di mana-mana, dengan sistem waralaba pula) tim redaksi Trans TV bisa meliput sekali lagi ke sana. Tapi kali ini mereka bisa bebas merekam dan menayangkan apa adanya, tak butuh model buat reka-ulang.

Eh ngomong-ngomong, saya sudah selesai makan dari tadi. Sekarang tinggal cuci piring dan tidur siang, biar gemuk :)

102 Komentar:

Anonymous risa »
22 January, 2006 20:43  

abis makan langsung tidur?

emang ngaruh?

ikram bisa gemuk?

=D

Blogger sigit »
22 January, 2006 21:25  

Foto dan link Kristy di Blog Batari diganti jadi foto dan link Ikram?

What on earth is going on...?

Blogger batari saraswati »
22 January, 2006 22:14  

gw ga tahu apa pengaruh penggunaan bakso daging tikus kalo dimakan. tapi kalo lah itu bebahaya, bukankah sebaiknya sering diberitakan? biar orang jadi waspada.

Buat sigit... kenapa elo nanyanya ke ikram sih? Blognya kan blog gw bukaan? :)

Anonymous :) »
22 January, 2006 23:51  

.

Anonymous Anonymous »
23 January, 2006 13:05  

Hmmm... soliloquy

-tante tuti-

Blogger great ani »
23 January, 2006 19:04  

kram...kalo disuruh pilih mau yang mana?

mie plus formalin ato bakso daging tikus?
[well..klo mau dua2nya alias mie baso ga ada opsi lo!]

Anonymous Teman lo di Depok yg suka (walaupun gak hobby) makan babi »
23 January, 2006 22:41  

Bakso daging tikus, dibikin bertekstur halus pake borax, diawetin pake formalin.
How do you like it?

Bahkan "kami" sekalipun, we-can-eat-everything people, gak demen tuh!!!

Btw, lo nyari makan di bogornya di daerah mana?
Sukasari ke sono???
Iyalah, kan pemukiman tionghoa. Kiri-kanan jalan semuanya bisa bikin lo nyumpah2.

Blogger GPS »
23 January, 2006 22:48  

buat sigit dan batari:

sigit kayanya bertanya di sini karena di sini sering terjadi pembahasan yang lebih eksis dari blog lain..

oke bat silakan dijawab! :)

Anonymous sawung »
24 January, 2006 00:05  

wah bener ji, blognya ikram jadi kayak chat room

Blogger sigit »
24 January, 2006 06:18  

Lha kan yang ngurusin leotnya BLog Batari elo Kram.

Iya, masalah baso tikus. Gw sih ngga suka baso tikus.

Blogger ikram »
24 January, 2006 09:19  

Risa, Iya loh gua tampak sedikit gemuk. Mungkin pengaruh potong rambut..

Sigit, Mmh, dijawab langsung aja Git yak.

Tante Tuti, halo.

Ani, keduanya sama saja. Yang satu buat mayat, yang satu lagi buat kucing. Any better options?

Ndre, gua lupa daerah persisnya. Tapi pas gua nyumpah-nyumpah gitu, bokap gua bilang: Emang ini daerah Cina sih. Sukasari ya? Ooooo

Maaf ya setelah sepuluh baru sempat dijawab...

Anonymous Anonymous »
24 January, 2006 09:37  

sawung: chat room sih chat room, tapi chatter yang kutunggu2 gak nongol2 juga nih *gaya centil*

-tante tuti-

Anonymous LiLy »
24 January, 2006 11:56  

ah...
sombong amat orang indonesia
paling sebenernya nggak gitu peduli juga tuh isi bakso itu daging tikus

temen aja dimakan kok...

cuma tikus?
nggak takut!
^^

Anonymous risa »
24 January, 2006 19:17  

yang jadi gemuk muka lo doang kali... gw ga yakin badan lo bisa gemuk juga...heuheuheu...

btw, gw suka dipanggil "mbak" kok sama tukang parkir. brarti cowo emang cenderung "boros" yah mukanya? apa gw-nya yang awet muda?

=D

Blogger ikram »
25 January, 2006 14:25  

temen aja dimakan kok...
-Lily

Hihihi, pengalaman pribadikah?

Elo pake seragam SMP juga masih pantes, Ris. Hahah.

Anonymous risa »
25 January, 2006 16:02  

Ih, segitu imutnya ya gw?

hohohohohohohohooohohoho....

=D

Blogger great ani »
25 January, 2006 21:26  

kram...pilih disamain sama mayat ato kucing...itu maksudnya!

Blogger ikram »
26 January, 2006 13:00  

Mending sama kucing deh (makan bakso tikus)... Selama ini kucing makan tikus nggak kena penyakit aneh2 kan?

Iya deh Risa, imut.

Blogger pejalanjauh »
27 January, 2006 02:07  

Setelah berjalan agak jauh, akhirnya sampai juga di blog-mu. Apa kabar (mantan) teman sekamar? zen (mampir2 di blog-ku yang masih bersahaja ya...)

Blogger great ani »
27 January, 2006 08:07  

nah itu dia!
pada heboh bakso tikus...padahal ani yakin selama ini makanan yang biasa dimakan ga lebih jorok dari bakso tikus...

pada tau ga gimana cara bikin terasi? diinjek2 pake kaki yang ga tahu udah dicuci ato blom...plus bahan2 yang semrawut...semua dimasukin....

heheh...kesalnya numpah ke ikram....hahah

Blogger ikram »
27 January, 2006 09:42  

Asik ada Zen. Halo Zen!

Betul Ni. Makan bakso sendiri belum "bebas racun" setelah tahu bahan bakunya.

MSG berlebihan. Saos tomat yg merah kental. Sambel cair oranye yang dibuat entah kapan. Mangkok dan sendok yang dicuci secara sangat efisien penggunaan airnya.

Hiii. Tapi enak :)

Blogger Principia »
27 January, 2006 10:09  

iya enak. ya udah kalo makan ga usah pake saos tomat, ga usah pake sambel, dan makannya pake tangan..

uuu jadi pengen mie aceh!

Blogger great ani »
28 January, 2006 15:39  

ani pengen mie jugaaaa

Blogger ANDRE »
29 January, 2006 22:21  

Krom
Numpang lewat

Blogger ANDRE »
29 January, 2006 22:27  

Krom

Numpang lewat lagi

Anonymous Anonymous »
30 January, 2006 10:23  

gw suka layoutnya! hehe

-upi

Blogger ANDRE »
30 January, 2006 14:40  

Liburan pendek lo menyenangkan gimana maksud lo?

Blogger ANDRE »
30 January, 2006 14:43  

krom,
layout lo bagus...
kalo diliat pake laptop widescreen!!!

Kalo pake layar 4:3, musti di scroll ke kanan, repot!!!
Kalo ngecilin text, jadi gak enak

Blogger ikram »
30 January, 2006 19:25  

Ah, pujian pertama yang keluar dari elo Pi. Akhirnya.... Hehe.

Ndre, masa' sih mesti pake laptop widescreen? Gua bikinnya pake layar 4:3 biasa ah.

*Bingung*

Anonymous LiLy »
31 January, 2006 00:43  

akhirnya
fotonya bener juga

layout-nya
bersih
^o^

Anonymous sawung »
31 January, 2006 06:06  

gw curi-curi liat dulu yang versi cetaknya di toko buku. Dwi sawung yang bener

Blogger sigit »
01 February, 2006 09:17  

Ih gue nggak suka baso tikus...

Anonymous risa »
01 February, 2006 10:28  

iya sih, juara dunia.

gw sempet kepikiran pengen dateng gantiin bokap nyokap kalo mereka bener ga mo dateng, lumayan kan tempat "cuci mata"...heuheuheu... tapi dipikir-pikir males ah dateng sendirian, kaya orang bego...huhuhu...

Blogger ikram »
01 February, 2006 14:18  

Ajak seseorang dong :p

Anonymous risa »
01 February, 2006 14:50  

Iya deh.

Ikram mau ikut kondangan?

xp

Blogger Principia »
01 February, 2006 16:03  

Lo lebih parah dari curiga Kram.
Berprasangka buruk..
Padahal gw tulus tuh.

Skrg pujiannya gw tarik lagi deh, soalnya judulnya lu ganti jadi celoteh.

Celoteh? Celoteh anak?

Hehehe.. damai yak kita, damai.

Blogger Penchok_Leuncha »
03 February, 2006 00:34  

hehe...seru seru...

Anonymous risa »
03 February, 2006 21:45  

bingung...

kenapa Kram?

Blogger zakiakhmad »
03 February, 2006 23:54  

Eh jadi ada blog-tainment yah disini, ya Kram. Ha..ha..ha....

Anonymous ikram »
04 February, 2006 12:01  

Bingung kasih judul apa! Ada saran, kawan-kawan?

Blogger GPS »
04 February, 2006 22:20  

judul yang bagus:

"aji gps ikut nge-comment di blog ini lho!"

pasti langsung lebih rame dari biasanya..

Blogger sigit »
05 February, 2006 19:47  

'Cut Memey selingkuh ama Ikram' aja...

'Cut Memey doyan Baso Tikus'

'Cut Memey dan Ikram doyan Baso Tikus'

'Cut Memey doyan Baso I...' ngga jadi.

Blogger zakiakhmad »
05 February, 2006 22:50  

Judul: Ikram-tainment = infotainment?

Bahkan semangat 100 sekian tipe acara infotainment televisi Indonesia pun telah memasuki jiwa blogger yang berinsial "I" berakhiran "kram putra nasution".

Anonymous Anonymous »
06 February, 2006 15:34  

ini nulis apa seh

Anonymous risa »
06 February, 2006 22:44  

masih blom ada judul?

Blogger Principia »
07 February, 2006 09:25  

kramput!

Blogger great ani »
08 February, 2006 11:29  

judulnya?
"get a free iBook by leaving ur comment here"
yah..itulah intinya...maaf kalo grammarku ancur...huhuhu...

ato...

apapun deh...

Anonymous Anonymous »
17 February, 2006 17:18  

gw tadinya mo nulis sesuatu di sini,
tapi gitu gw liat dah _rame_ banget
gw gak jadi,
sayang kan boros_band_width(tm)
:)

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